And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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