I've blown a few things in my day
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
