If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just invented taco cereal.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
