Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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