'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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