Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
