My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
