How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
