So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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