The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
