I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
