i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
