This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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