That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
