I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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