If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize