Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
