WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
