You made me cry and you don't even care
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
