I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
