It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
