Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
