i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize