just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
