Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
