Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
