i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize