I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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