Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
