The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I want to be your penis for a week.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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