my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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