you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
