Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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