grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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