Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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