Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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