haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
