Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
