Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
