i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
