You work out of a Hotel?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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