i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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