Where is the hickey?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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