It's just like the Real World with babies
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
