Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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