I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
