Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
