The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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