So drunk its hurt
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
