She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
