Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
