you win again, gameday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
