That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
