Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize