These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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