i don't like sucking hair
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
