I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
