saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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