i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
