you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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