if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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