M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
