At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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