So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
pray to the hookup gods
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
