I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
