recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They took my balls.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
