o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's get the cat blown out
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
