My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
