i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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