The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
