I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
