So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
