FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
