i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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